Pregnancy: A Common Thing, An Uncommon Mystery

A lot of our wonderful friends and family have been checking in with us to see how we're doing at the end of the pregnancy, to find out if the precious little one is out here with us yet, or to hear when we expect him.  We very much appreciate the kind thoughts and care from so many. 

Here’s the latest: this is still me.  

Self-portrait in the sunroom, 39 weeks.  

I’ve made it past 39 weeks and baby is still thriving in his internal home–something I wanted for our baby’s health from the beginning.  I am both proud of and grateful for that, as I believe it’s a combination of hard work, attitude, and luck.

I can’t believe how fast the pregnancy has gone by, yet at the same time I find it amazing though I am getting so close to the end, I still don’t really have a clue when I will give birth to our child.  "Due" date is no promise, and I know that uncertainty frustrates a lot of people into elective inductions.  But I love that uncertainty; for me that uncommon true surprise in life is one of the greatest gifts pregnancy can offer.  It also relays maybe the greatest lesson pregnancy brings: accepting that we don't really have much control at all in life.

You can collect information and make informed decisions (and I think it is imperative to do so for your health and that of your baby–see A Few I Can Say below).  You can do the hard work, sometimes when you'd rather not, and you can hope and pray for the best.  Still there are few guarantees.

I think that is what really scares people about pregnancy, both woman who are or might become pregnant and men who never will be: pregnancy is pretty common, yet so much of it remains a mystery.  And if pregnancy is about creating life and it’s a process we can’t control, what does that say about life after birth?  Yup.  Another process that, try as we might, we can’t really control.  

"Death belongs to life as birth does.  The walk is in the raising of the foot as in the laying of it down."

It may sound strange to use that Rabindranath Tagore in a post about pregnancy, but I find it fitting.  There is loss and risk in pregnancy, just as there is in life.  And while hopefully what is lost is just the life of a non-mother as she becomes a mother at the moment her baby is born, that is still a huge transformation in which there is both loss and gain.  But it’s one that I think pregnancy prepares us for, when we do all the good work and see what we still don’t control. 

Even days from delivery, and with lots of planning, I can’t be sure what my “birth story” will be in the end, and I don’t really know yet what it will truly feel like to be a mother.  But I have a hunch that this huge lesson during pregnancy, that control is an illusion, might be useful in birth and motherhood.

Another self-portrait–pregnancy involves a lot of looking deep within yourself.

A Few Things I Can Say Pretty Confidently About Pregnancy

No guarantees doesn't mean no planning, seeking out evidence-based information, or working towards goals of staying healthy.  Here are some thing I pretty confidently stand behind regarding setting yourself up for the best possible pregnancy.

1.  Creating a supportive, positive, community of kindness for pregnancy is key to a healthy, happy pregnancy.

I love being pregnant.  That's not because everything has gone perfectly and I haven't had any healthy scares or stresses along the way.  One of the reasons I believe I have loved being pregnant so much is that I've had a great support system of people who believed in me and shared my views about pregnancy and birth. Some of that was built in, through family and friends, but a lot of that was intentional, something that I had to build.

My number one supporter has been Tim, my husband.  He's sort of "built in" at this point, but he was also sort of a choice (the best choice ever, I must add).

The first great choice.

The goodness grows at 39 weeks pregnant.

Tim didn't just blindly say yes to all my ideas about the sort of pregnancy and birth I wanted to have, he listened to me, researched and formulated opinions about the best options for a healthy, holistic pregnancy and baby.  He didn’t let himself operate out of fear or assumptions, and if he didn’t feel something was within his realm of experience to understand as a man, he defaulted to my opinion as a sign of respect for my intuition as the one carrying our child.  I’d wish that kind of support upon any mother-to-be.

Tim helped me chose our fantastic, supportive, smart team of healthcare providers–kind people doing good work in the world–and supporters who have kept me feeling cared for, confident in my ability to make good decisions for myself and my baby, and supported me in my ability to deliver my child.  I will list them at the bottom of this entry for anyone who is interested in natural birth from a medical midwifery model in Houston.

2. Start acting like a mom now: don’t give negative behaviors too much attention.

To be expected, not everyone supported our decisions.  While that can feel disappointing, we chose not to give those people too much energy.  Instead we tried to focus on what's true to our values and beliefs.   I sought out old and new friends with similar beliefs, support groups aligned with my goals (breast feeding or natural birth groups, for example), read inspiring books and tried to fill my mind with positive images about pregnancy and birth (unless you want to be afraid of birth, skip the dramatic, ratings-centered Hollywood portrayals).

That doesn't mean I've never had a moment of fear or I'll "end up" having the idea experience.  I don't think there is any guarantee of a perfect outcome, but I have observed over and over again that people I know who were more positive going into pregnancy and birth seem to be happier with their experience, feeling empowered by it.  If you consider people around you, I wonder if you can see the same pattern: attitude affects experience.

Increase your chances of a happy pregnancy by staying away from negativity.

3.  Stepping outside of your comfort zone may be the first step in caring for your child.

Although I believe it’s important to find positive support so you feel confident, that’s not an excuse to engage in unhealthy behavior because it’s comfortable.   It may be necessary to go out of your comfort zone and view things in a new way to make better decisions for your health and your baby’s health. For example, don’t go find a group of people who smoke during pregnancy because you really want a cigarette.  Research all the bad outcomes you might create for your child (low birth weight, premature birth, placental abruption) and then decide.   Or don’t seek out people who constantly support you in “eating for two” if that means eating super large meal at your favorite fast food place all the time and drinking soda because that’s what you crave–do the research and decide if you want to take that risk for your child (gestational diabetes, macrosomia, preeclampsia).  

The risk for any of those issues is out there even if you don’t engage in unhealthy behaviors, so you get to decide if you want to increase that risk to you and your baby.  I love to eat healthy, whole foods to begin with, but I had a hard time with sugar in the form of baked goods and dessert.  I can’t say I didn’t have any, but I did restrict my intake, and I didn’t get gestational diabetes or have excessive weight gain.  Although I didn’t have too little, either!

4. Eating really well, drinking lots of water, exercising, and resting is your pregnancy insurance policy.

Good diet probably also saved me from pre-eclampsia.  I have had elevated blood pressure over the last few weeks–something I’ve never had in my life–but my blood work and other labs are still well within normal pregnancy ranges.  I am willing to say I know good nutrition makes a huge difference in healthy pregnancy outcomes.  This might be partially genetic and partially due to behavior, I am not sure.  However, if I added poor nutrition and hydration to the mix, I’d probably be much worse off.

One thing I did poorly was rest during pregnancy.  I didn’t draw boundaries well.  I did too much.  I didn’t recognize how much hard work it is to grow a person.  But I’ve been mostly on bed rest for a few weeks now, and that has been a major help in keeping my blood pressure down and keeping my baby thriving and happy. 

5.  Feel proud of yourself for the good pregnancy work you do; you’re not just doing it for you, you’re doing something good for someone else.

At an ultrasound last week we had great news for any pregnant woman, let alone for one with elevated blood pressure.  The baby looked great, amniotic fluid level was high, and the doctor told me my placenta was so healthy it looked like the placenta of a woman who is 32 weeks pregnant.  This must be the pregnancy equivalent of telling a 50 year-old who works out and takes good care of herself that she looks 30--in both cases you feel good about yourself and know you deserve it, you worked for it.   Most importantly in the pregnancy scenario, however, you’ve done good by your baby.

Recommendations for a healthy, holistic, natural pregnancy in Houston:

-Our caring, supportive, smart, super-woman certified nurse midwife, Kellie Moeller, has helped to make pregnancy alone an amazing experience.  I am excited to have her support during birth, too.

-And our very knowledgeable doula and monitrice, Debbie Hull, has been beyond supportive, caring, and helpful, even though we haven’t even gone through labor yet.  I've provided her LinkedIn page and you can google her.

-Our support system extends to a supporting MD, Dr. Thomas Rowe.  He is an excellent, thorough, natural birth friendly maternal fetal health specialist in the Clear Lake area.  Worth the drive even if you live in the city like we do. 

- Dr. Caroline Long  at West University Wellness converted me to chiropractic medicine.  She specializes in pregnant women.  You can also get a great prenatal massage at her clinic.
-I rented my water birth tub from Kari Niedermaier at Birthin' With Love.  She is so very supportive and compassionate about your birth, you get the tub and so much more.  I think Kari provides other services, too, so contact her for details. Located in the Clear Lake area, Kari will deliver and pick up your tub around Houston.
-We had inner-loop personal chef My Chef Megan make some meals for us for post-birth... although we've eaten a few in the meantime given my bed rest situation, and I can tell you they're excellent!  She will also be making us some baked goods to be dropped off after birth, when I can celebrate with some sugar! 

-Rowan TwoSisters also gives an excellent massage and has super supportive, positive energy.   

Recommendations for healthy pregnancy anywhere:

-I recommend the Brewer Pregnancy Diet.  I used that as a guideline and continued my normal habits of limited processed foods and eating as much organic and local food as possible.  I drank tons of water (about 100-135 ounces a day).  
-Besides walking almost evert day, I loved doing prenatal yoga classes from yogaglo.com.  Stephanie Snyder's yogaglo classes are my favorite.   

All images are property of Jamie Johnstad, and may not be used without my written permission.  Thank you.